Your endless talks, will it be the same?

Ten years down the lane, will you call my name?

Lhapso Ri, that is what we call this mountaintop back home in Shimla. Whereever Tibetans stay, they hoist prayer flags and offer prayers at a high point in their area. In my hometown in the hills, this is the highest place and thus, a perfect place for a Lapso Ri.
Every year, whenever it is an auspicious day, one can see colourful prayer flags and thick smoke from incense twirling towards the sky from there. Blue, white, red, green and yellow prayer flags were a source of peace for someone like me who usually finds peace in strange things.
I would spend hours there, thinking and talking to myself. At times I would take my books, which I hardly read, and walk up the steep hill. The moment you reach the top you feel a sense of relief, feel like you have scaled the Everest.
Now I rarely get to go home, except on holidays which is like once or twice a year, and ven during my rare trips I prefer spending time at home. Suprisingly, now I spend my hours reading books. My house provides me with a magnificent view of the valley (i dont know whether it has a name) and my books, ample space for me to get lost.
I miss the Lhapso Ri and I miss my friends. Every one has grown up and now we don't have time for each other. Someone is even married and has a daughter. I hope he takes his daughter there and tell her stories about our gang and our antics.
At times I wonder if anyone even goes there now. No doubt the place looks amazing with new prayer wheels and colourful pillars supporting them, but I wonder whether the place still has its charm left. I went there this February during with my family. We hoisted our prayer flags, said a prayer and played in the snow. I wonder whether the old tree remembers me, remembers the silent tears I shed under its shadow.

“First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.”
By Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi

I don't think I can say I am from Delhi but as long as I can remember I have always loved Delhi. It was a place I longed to visit during my winter holidays. MY sister was obsessed with the idea of going to Delhi, so much so a few days before we were to leave for Delhi, she would start saying, "The house smells like Delhi. Oh I love it sister, I am so happy." Though I never experienced such extreme feeling but yes I would also eagerly await our yearly visits to Delhi. Our parents used to leave for their winter business in Delhi in October or beginning of November. We would then stay with our grandparents for our schools would close only in December.
I loved everything about Delhi - from its dusty roads to its traffic, the street food, Appu Ghar (I am really sad it is going to be closed soon), the zoo. I loved being in Delhi; I loved being a part of this mad place. Since our parents would be busy, our help (we fondly called him Pradeep bhaiya) would take my sister and me to Jama Masjid area. Somehow at that time I was never apprehensive to going there, probably because I was just a kid. If I were to go there today, I think twice. Not that there is anything wrong with the place but just that I feel out of place whenever I visit Old Delhi. But when I was small, it was my area and the people mine. The fruit chats and the biryani in the mosque premises - oh how I miss those days. One more incident I clearly remember (my friends say it is gross but I don't think so), I was once in the Jama Masjid area when I saw chickens being slaughtered. And it strikes me now that it was a jhatka shop if I am not mistaken. Strange.
And now I am in Delhi, living Delhi, breathing Delhi, day in and day out after a long gap of close to seven years. The innocence of childhood is lost now but that doesn't stop me from loving this place. There are many things about the city that I absolutely hate but it has given me many more reasons to love it too.
I hate the Blueline buses whenever I am forced to take them but I love the fact that the Metro has made life so easy (I am just waiting for it to start functioning in my part of the city). I love going to Central Park in Connaught Place and reading a book there, feeling completely at home. I love it when I go visit a PVR with my friends, I love shopping in Delhi, I love living in Delhi. I love the buzz this city has, the feeling that life never stops here. Though it may not be as cosmopolitan as Mumbai, but Delhi has its own attitude.
And the best thing I like about Delhi is that it gave me the love of my life – loads and loads of books ;)

Being in my line of profession, I get to read a lot stories about development taking place in the country, especially in the national capital. Recently I was editing some stories about various expressways coming up on various national highways in many parts of Delhi, Haryana and Uttar Pradesh. most of the copies glorified and gave in explicit details how much development and how many new things the areas can expect with the development of the expressways. As I sat editing those copies, I could't help but wonder what sort of development would it bring. The expressways will make life better for thousands of commuters plying on those roads everyday. GOing from one place to the other, which takes them hours right now, won't even be a half and hour to 45 minute ride then. But I am a conventional person and I like my trees and old cottages. I was horrified just to imagine all the buildings that are going to come up on both sides of the highway, towering above the human beings like giants. I would feel reaaly intimidated I am sure. Even now when I go to all the glitzy malls that I visit in Delhi, I feel so small. They just seem to overpower me and everything that I am. Now I am all for development btu I feel the loss of what we had and what we have right now will surely pinch me, if not others. When people zoom past in their cars, I think of those long walks that I used to take with my friends back in College. Thank god my hometown in the hills is still untouched by the development but for how long. I pray the day is later than sooner. I like the flowers and the garden, the wild grass and the pebbles. It kills me sometimes to think that the place where I stay in Delhi doesnt even have any pebbles lying around except for those that are made of cement. Nothing natural has survived. I long to go home.

The friend I lost to Tibet


I was in class twelve when I got the news about some Tibetan students being caught by Chinese soldiers near the border. Someone told me that the students are from Upper TCV and Mussoorie Homes School.I was lost for words as one of my close friends had also gone to Tibet to meet his family. I cried and prayed for him. I remembered the last time we had met in Mussoorie, bidding farewell to each other and promising to meet after the holidays.Excited as we were, we would chat about college and especially about the time the two of us spent studying economics. He was my god brother and even more than that, a good friend.I had heard stories about chinese soldiers using tibetan children to built railway tracks in tibet. I would start imagening lobsang, covered in coal dust, dragging carts full of coal and my heart would cry.But my prayers were answered one day. Back in mussoorie to take my results, I got to know that Lobsang is safe and sound. I jumped with joy and tears of happiness flowed down my cheek.Although we were in two different schools- he in Tibetan Homes School and me in CST-, Lobsang and I were very good friends. The students of the two schools would always be fighting with each other- a little teasing here or a small fight there. But once out of mussoorie, everyone was from mussoorie school- no Homes no CST.We used to study economics together and I would always be screaming at him, telling him to study more. In fact, whenever we would meet i would be the one telling him about the important questions to prepare and what he topics must definately prepare. Many a times we would get lost dreaming about college and how it would be so cool if we would take admission in the same college.That was five years ago. Today Lobsang is back in Tibet. Though I resisted, he went back. I wanted him to stay back, study in India and make a career for himself here, in India, in a free country. But he didn't listen and went to Tibet.I got some pictures from him some days back. In between we chat sometimes and I ask him just one question. Are you safe there? He always says yes, with a smile on his face. He looks happy, I hope he is happy. Take care

What if I die tonight?
Who all will cry? Who will be happy? Who will miss me the most?
What if I become a manager in a big company?
Who all will know my name? Who will recognise me on the streets?
I walk on the road, not even the dust recognises me
I sit here in a corner, wasting my time doing nothing
no one will come and see me, look for me
I am nothing for I was nothing
Will I be something soon?

Some times you want things to look different and feel different. You don't want the day to start the way it normally does. You dont want the maid knocking on the door to let her in when you are sleeping peacefully and probably dreaming of the nice guy u saw the other day or about the gorgeos pair of jeans you want to buy.
It's not that one is trying to get away from the daily grind. Some may even call it being an escapist. I beg to differ. It is just that you think may be it could be different not because you want to run away from it but because having something different in life to experience, something unusual...it's not a bad idea....it's always welcome.
so just bring it...ya that's to what ppl call god....yes god u...just bring it. am here waiting all alone, waiting for u to show me ur powers...the 'power' to cure, the power to heal.....the power which ppl say u can turn things around....coz i want them to be turned around...
i am sick n tired of the things am expected to do....time n again...it is being put into ur head...dont do that...dont do this...think of ur family, ur sisters, ur relatives......
am tired and i give up......
so i challenge u...GOD.....to bring something new to my life. i dont know what u gona do to me....challenge me in any way u want...make it good or make it bad .....i don't know...am just waiting....n waiting....
may be someday i will meet u if at all u exist....then may be we will go to barista for a cup of coffee or may be i will take u for a dosa to sagar ratna...coz i really like the dosa they make u know. may be then i will ask of a couple of questions...questions i dont have answers to or may be havent accepted the facts right in front of me!!! lets see...kya hota hai...

A little trip

My little trip took me to places i usually dont visit. or rather places i do not want to visit. places that i want to ignore and do not be associated with...places that i want to forget, forever.