I got my periods today, seven and half months after my
baby was born. This includes the 3-4 weeks of bleeding post my C-section.
One could look at it as a normal, natural
progression post the birth of one’s child. I don’t know if other mothers have
felt this way but I am writing this with a sort of heavy heart. The onset of my
periods, in some far corner of my heart or may be my whole heart, felt like a
violent pull, followed by a sudden severing of the tender bond that I have
formed with my daughter. Do other mothers feel the same? I don’t know; I will
have to enquire.
I am already feeling an emptiness in my gut and I am
sure this isn’t one of those umpteenth times my stomach calls for food because
breastfeeding makes you hungry. This is a different feeling; a feeling that
isn’t going anywhere. It is like when you have an important exam or you are on
stage, right before your speech begins, and you look at several pairs of eyes
looking straight at you, into you, and they have seen your fear.
I know this feeling, like the many I have felt since
my baby was born. She is growing up so fast that I am forgetting details about
her since her birth and it has barely been a little over seven months. I have
also heard many mothers among my friends say kids grow up real fast and that I
should cherish the moments, however fleeting they may be.
So my periods come as a new chapter in my life. A
chapter forced upon me by Mother Nature. Forcing me to cut yet another delicate
tie with my first born and it isn’t a nice feeling at all to say the least.
Very soon she will grow up and I would forget even this phase. Memory is a
tricky player and it favours only those who wish to surrender before it and
give it complete control over your mind.
