Lessons in motherhood

I got my periods today, seven and half months after my baby was born. This includes the 3-4 weeks of bleeding post my C-section.

One could look at it as a normal, natural progression post the birth of one’s child. I don’t know if other mothers have felt this way but I am writing this with a sort of heavy heart. The onset of my periods, in some far corner of my heart or may be my whole heart, felt like a violent pull, followed by a sudden severing of the tender bond that I have formed with my daughter. Do other mothers feel the same? I don’t know; I will have to enquire.

I am already feeling an emptiness in my gut and I am sure this isn’t one of those umpteenth times my stomach calls for food because breastfeeding makes you hungry. This is a different feeling; a feeling that isn’t going anywhere. It is like when you have an important exam or you are on stage, right before your speech begins, and you look at several pairs of eyes looking straight at you, into you, and they have seen your fear.

I know this feeling, like the many I have felt since my baby was born. She is growing up so fast that I am forgetting details about her since her birth and it has barely been a little over seven months. I have also heard many mothers among my friends say kids grow up real fast and that I should cherish the moments, however fleeting they may be.

So my periods come as a new chapter in my life. A chapter forced upon me by Mother Nature. Forcing me to cut yet another delicate tie with my first born and it isn’t a nice feeling at all to say the least. Very soon she will grow up and I would forget even this phase. Memory is a tricky player and it favours only those who wish to surrender before it and give it complete control over your mind.